Saying “no” to those you love
Boundaries are an integral part of every relationship, whether that relationship is with another person, time, food or money. During the holidays, these boundaries are often more relaxed due to the desire to please our loved ones or the guilt or discomfort we feel about saying no. We may accept an invitation that we don’t want to attend, have an extra glass of wine that we know isn’t good for us, overspend on gifts for our families, or volunteer to work extra shifts even though we are exhausted.
A boundary is like an invisible barrier between the self and someone or something else. Boundaries can be thought of as a spectrum, from extremely rigid to extremely relaxed. They can vary across relationships with loved ones, friends, work, and money; one person can have very strict boundaries in one area and very lax boundaries in another.
As the holiday season approaches, it becomes increasingly important to focus on maintaining healthy boundaries. Although this time of year is often associated with joy, love, and togetherness, it can also bring about stress, conflict, and a sense of overwhelm. To navigate these potential challenges, setting and maintaining boundaries is crucial for our emotional well-being. Here are some strategies to help maintain healthy boundaries over the holidays:
1. Identify your needs and priorities: Begin by reflecting on your personal needs and priorities for the holiday season. What brings you joy and fulfillment? Are there certain activities or events that drain your energy? By identifying these aspects, you can establish boundaries that prioritize your well-being. Remember, it's okay to say no to certain commitments if they don't align with your needs. This also includes setting financial boundaries for yourself so you do not end up drowning in debt.
2. Communicate openly: Effective communication is key to maintaining healthy boundaries. Express your needs, concerns, and limitations to your loved ones in a kind and respectful manner. Clearly communicate your boundaries regarding your availability, time, and emotional capacity. Remember, it's important to be assertive without being aggressive or confrontational.
3. Learn to say no: It can be challenging to decline invitations or requests during the holiday season, but saying no when it's necessary is essential for your mental and emotional health. Understand that it's okay to decline invitations if they are causing you stress or anxiety. Prioritize self-care and listen to your inner voice when deciding which commitments to accept and which ones to decline. Allow yourself to be honest with friends and family that you are thankful to be included but not able to make it. “No” is a complete sentence—no need to come up with a million excuses!
4. Create a self-care routine: Self-care is essential, especially during busy times like the holidays. Establish a self-care routine that includes activities you enjoy and that help you relax and recharge. Whether it's taking a bath, going for a walk, reading a book, or practicing mindfulness, make sure to carve out time for yourself and set boundaries around that time.
5. Limit exposure to negativity: Sometimes, family gatherings or social events during the holidays can bring up toxic or negative dynamics. If you find yourself in such situations, be mindful of your emotional well-being. Set boundaries around conversations or topics that trigger negative emotions, and find ways to disengage from these situations while still maintaining civility and respect.
6. Practice self-compassion: Remember to be kind to yourself as you navigate maintaining healthy boundaries. It's normal to feel guilty or conflicted when setting boundaries, but it's important to prioritize your well-being. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to put your needs first. Self-compassion will help you stay grounded and maintain your boundaries effectively.
7. Seek support if needed: If you find it challenging to set and maintain boundaries during the holiday season or anytime, Serenity Counseling can help by providing guidance, validation, and helping you develop strategies to navigate difficult situations while maintaining your boundaries.
By proactively setting and maintaining healthy boundaries, you can navigate the holiday season in a way that promotes your emotional well-being, reduces stress, and fosters a sense of balance. Remember, you deserve to have an enjoyable holiday season that aligns with your needs and priorities.
